My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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