It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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