I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
