the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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