Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
