just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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