He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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