rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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