Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
