Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
