Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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