Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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