He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
