there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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