i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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