Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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