Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
