if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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