I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She needs sedatives and a leash
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
