Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
