Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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