I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is wine microwaveable?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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