Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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