Your tits are I can't wait for
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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