You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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