some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
