thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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