By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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