I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
