he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
