Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone signed my nipple.
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