Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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