I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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