He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
