It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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