I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
