WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
