There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
