non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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