We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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