I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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