ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm bleeding and have questions
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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