I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
