I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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