I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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