I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
