Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
