I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
