think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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