Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
