I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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