We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think people are normalizing furries
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