if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
