I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Two words: blizzard sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
