Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
