It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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