party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
