I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
