Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
