He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
