I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
