They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Help. Why am I so naked?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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