No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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