Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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