Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
