Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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