he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
