her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
