chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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