its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
