How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize