If you die in college, do you die in real life?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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