All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
