in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My vagina just recognized that song.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
