Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
