I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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