office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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