Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
