He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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