Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
