I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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