You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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