I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I party with great urgency now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
