you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
