I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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