Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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