Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
