Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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