dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize