he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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