i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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