I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
