Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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