So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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