He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
