If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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