oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
