it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
