What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
