So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
send nudes
from the living room?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
