if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Even my vagina gasped.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
