UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
