dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
